Emotional intelligence (EI), introduced by Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer, is a type of social
intelligence that enables individuals to understand and manage their emotions and those of
others. For Muslims, EI is not merely a tool for personal development; it is a key to effective
Dawah—helping us convey Islam’s message with compassion, wisdom, and understanding while reflecting the true essence of our deen. This article aims to raise awareness among Muslims about the concept of emotional intelligence and provide guidance on how to nurture it within ourselves for effective and compassionate engagement in dawah.
Let me share a story about two girls that illustrates the power of emotional intelligence.
Arwa and Anisha were roommates from different cultural and religious backgrounds. Anisha
struggled with inner peace and emotional stability, often feeling frustrated and misunderstood.
Arwa, however, displayed traits that deeply resonated with Anisha, making her curious about
Arwa’s values and beliefs.
Arwa exemplified self-awareness, recognizing her emotions and understanding how they
influenced her interactions. She was also keenly aware of Anisha’s emotional state, showing
empathy and sensitivity. She often reflected on her actions to ensure her words and behaviour made her roommate feel comfortable and valued.
When Anisha’s frustration occasionally led to emotional outbursts, Arwa exhibited self-
management, controlling her impulses and responding calmly instead of reacting impulsively.
She explained that her composure came from verses in the Qur’an that brought her inner peace:
“Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.”
[Qur’an 13:28]
This left a profound impact on Anisha, who began to see the source of Arwa’s emotional
strength.
Arwa’s social awareness shone in her ability to empathise with Anisha’s struggles. She
consistently provided support, offering a listening ear without judgement. Her genuine care for Anisha’s well-being and her intuitive understanding of her emotions created a safe and nurturing environment.
Lastly, Arwa’s strength in relationship management allowed her to maintain a strong and
supportive connection with Anisha, even during moments of distress. She inspired Anisha not
only through her actions but also by sharing her values in a way that was gentle and inviting.
Over time, Anisha began to admire Arwa’s character and the source of her emotional intelligence. Deeply moved by Arwa’s example and curious about Islam’s teachings, Anisha
eventually decided to learn more. Her exploration led her to find the peace she had been
searching for, and she chose to embrace Islam.
(Note: It’s important to note that while faith can offer profound peace, emotional struggles often have multiple underlying causes. This scenario is presented as an example of how emotional intelligence and faith can positively influence interpersonal connections and emotional well-being.)
The theory of emotional intelligence developed by Daniel Goleman includes:
- Self-Awareness
This is the ability to recognise and understand our emotions, their triggers, and how they affect our thoughts and actions. It includes emotional self-awareness, accurate self-assessment of strengths and weaknesses, and self-confidence to approach situations effectively.
In Islamic psychology, self-awareness is fostered through Tafakkur (contemplation).
Muraqabah (mindfulness) and Muhasabah (self-accountability).
⮚ Tafakkur (Contemplation): This refers to reflecting on one’s life, actions, and
purpose. The Qur’an frequently encourages tafakkur, urging believers to reflect on
creation, their deeds, and their relationship with Allah ﷻ.
⮚
For example, Allah ﷻ says, “Do they not reflect upon themselves?” [Qur’an 30:8]
and “…And they give thought to the creation of the heavens and the earth…”
[Qur’an 3:191].
⮚ Muraqabah (Mindfulness): In Islamic psychology, muraqabah is a practice of being
mindful of Allah’s ﷻ presence, often described as a state of Ihsan (excellence). This
helps Muslims stay aware of their emotions and actions, keeping them aligned with
divine principles.
⮚ Muhasabah (Self-Accountability): This refers to the practice of self-reflection and
evaluating one’s actions. It is deeply rooted in the Prophetic tradition, as highlighted
in the hadith:
“The wise person is the one who calls themselves to account and works
for what comes after death.
[Sunan al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 2459].
⮚ These practices encourage individuals to reflect on their emotional and spiritual
states, align their actions with their purpose, strengthen their intention (niyyah), and
improve their character (akhlaq).
- Self-Management
This involves controlling emotional impulses and maintaining composure in challenging situations. Key traits include self-control, adaptability, striving for achievement, and taking initiative, enabling individuals to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively. Self-control is not just about avoiding wrong actions but also encouraging oneself to do what is right. The Prophet ﷺ said, “The strong one is not the one who can pin people to the ground. The strong one is the one who can control themselves when angry.” [Sahih al-Bukhari 6114]
The concept of self-management is closely linked to maintaining inner peace through the remembrance of Allah ﷻ and personal reflection. - Social Awareness
This is the ability to understand and empathise with others’ emotions, needs, and concerns.
This domain emphasises empathy and a service-orientated mindset for fostering positive interactions.
From an Islamic perspective, Muslims are encouraged to respect other religions, help those in need—including giving zakat to non-Muslims—and be empathetic toward all individuals, regardless of their background. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ is the best example who demonstrated what empathy is. The Prophet ﷺ himself also encouraged us to feel empathy for each other. He was reported to have said:
“The believers in their mutual kindness, compassion, and sympathy are just like one
body. When one of the limbs suffers, the whole body responds to it with wakefulness and fever.”
[Bukhari, Riyad as-Salihin 224]
To understand this concept, I personally interacted with a revert sister who shared, “I think taking an empathetic approach helped me. I’d never have reverted if I had encountered harsh opinions that made me feel inferior. Unfortunately, that’s what a lot of Muslims do these days, and I don’t like it. We must be slow and kind, touching hearts rather than egos.” - Relationship Management
This focuses on building and maintaining strong, effective relationships by influencing and inspiring others. Skills like conflict management, teamwork, and collaboration help create meaningful connections and resolve issues constructively.
“The best of people are those that bring most benefit to the rest of mankind.” [Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2580]
The revert sister I mentioned earlier also told me: “The sense of community Muslims gave
me—never seeing me empty-handed, always offering help—was something I had never
experienced before. Nobody does that anymore; it’s all individualistic behaviour.”
Conclusion
Emotional intelligence is more than just a skill; it’s a means of embodying the values of Islam in our interactions. By cultivating self-awareness, empathy, and relationship-building, we can engage in dawah that touches hearts and inspires curiosity about the deen. Let us strive to reflect the beauty of Islam in every interaction, for actions often speak louder than words.
Written by: Atufa Hamid
Edited by: The Editorial Team
© The Islamic Reflections Blog
References
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