Introduction
When you hear of sadness, what comes to mind? Do you think about the things you’ve lost, the people you’ve lost, or the moments you’ve lost? Is it something that was not lost physically but causes your heart to ache when you remember it?
Sadness is a universal human emotion that often arises from profound loss, helplessness, drastic changes, or unmet expectations.
Sadness sometimes stems from loss. It can also be caused by overwhelming life trials.
We often ask: “Why must we experience trials or a negative emotion like sadness?”
Allah ﷻ said:
وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُم بِشَيْءٍ مِّنَ الْخَوْفِ وَالْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِّنَ الْأَمْوَالِ وَالْأَنفُسِ وَالثَّمَرَاتِ وَبَشِّرِ الصَّابِرِينَ
“And we will most certainly test you with something of fear and hunger and loss of property and lives and fruits; and give good news to the patient.”
[Surah Al-Baqarah, Verse 155]
لَقَدْ خَلَقْنَا الْإِنسَانَ فِي كَبَدٍ
“Certainly, we have created man to be in distress.”
[Surah Al-Balad, Verse 4]
The Stories of the Prophets
Prophet Muhammad ﷺ overcame many challenges during his lifetime which Allah ﷻ used as lessons for both him and us. He grew up without his parents, never having the privilege of even knowing his father. Parents are a child’s first sincere cushion against the harshness of the world. Only Allah ﷻ knows how He placed love in our parents’ hearts for us. Now, imagine never experiencing that love. Well, such was the situation with the Prophet ﷺ. As if that wasn’t enough, the only person who was family and showed him love and support also died later in what we’ve come to know as the “Year of sorrow”. He also lost his wife, Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her). All of his children, except Fatima (may Allah be pleased with her), returned to Allah ﷻ before he eventually returned too, at the age of sixty-five years. Yet, look at what he said during a moment that caused him to be sad –
“The eyes shed tears and the heart grieves, but we do not say anything except that which pleases our Lord”.
[ Sahih Al-Bukhari 1303].
In his journey with loss and events that could cause him sadness – like his tribe rejecting him – he felt sad, he affirmed his emotions but also remembered Allah ﷻ. Did he try to wish the sadness away, or pretend that it existed within him, or blame Allah ﷻ? If you said no, you’re right. The light for Prophet Muhammad ﷺ in his moments of deep sadness due to loss, rejection, amidst fear, and when overwhelmed, was the remembrance of his Lord. He knew, just like we also know but sometimes forget, that Allah ﷻ was in control of his life and He had all the answers.
His Coping Strategy
Prophet Muhammad ﷺ remembered Allah ﷻ a great deal. He also confided in his loved ones. When he asked Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her) to cover him, she did so, which relieved his fear after his first encounter with the angel Gabriel (peace be upon him) in the Cave of Hira. She also reassured him and reminded him of his noble character.
Research shows that people with high levels of social support seem to be more resilient in the face of stressful situations. They also have a lower perception of stress in general and have less physiological responses to life’s stressors. The support Prophet Muhammad ﷺ got from Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her) is a form of social support, which is a cogent way to mitigate sadness.
So, instead of ingratitude during sadness, which can lead to speaking negative words or having negative thoughts about life, you can envelop yourself with verses of assurance from Allah ﷻ and allow yourself to be with people who cheer you up.
Take a look at the life of another beloved of Allah ﷻ. Imagine a father who loves his son deeply and feels proud that his son’s dream confirms he is chosen for prophethood. Now imagine him losing that son in a way that brought more confusion with the grief. Yaqub (may Allah have mercy on him) was so heartbroken that he cried until his eyes turned white (he became blind). When he thought he had lost his second son, Binyamin, too, he said:
قَالَ إِنَّمَا أَشْكُو بَثِّي وَحُزْنِي إِلَى اللَّهِ وَأَعْلَمُ مِنَ اللَّهِ مَا لَا تَعْلَمُونَ
“He said: I only complain of my grief and sorrow to Allah, and I know from Allah what you do not know”
[Surah Yusuf, Verse 86]
Again, the sadness was acknowledged – to Allah ﷻ – then he trusted Him when he said to remainder of his children that:
” يَابَنِيَّ اذْهَبُوا فَتَحَسَّسُوا مِنْ يُوْسُفَ وَ أَ خِيْهِ وَ لَا تَاْئَسُوا مِنْ رُوْحِ الَّلهِ إنَّهُ لَاياْئسُ مِنْ رَّوْحِ الَّلهِ إلَّا الْقَوْمُ
الكَافِرُوْنَ”.
“O my sons! Go and inquire about Yusuf and his brother, and not despair of the Mercy of Allah. Indeed, none despairs of the Mercy of Allah except the disbelievers”.
[Surah Yusuf, Verse 87]
His Coping Strategy
He confided in Allah ﷻ and spoke to Him as you would to a dear friend. He also took proactive action towards seeking a solution by encouraging his sons to make enquiries, which could lead them to reconnecting with their lost brothers.
Telling Allah ﷻ of his pain neither stopped him from trusting that only He could help him find his sons, nor did it deter him from encouraging his sons to do the same.
If you follow me to Prophet Yusuf (May Allah have mercy on him) life you’ll see that these servants of Allah ﷻ may have overcome different struggles, but their response is the same. They respond with yaqeen, completely trusting that the One who created them and gave them experiences, whether positive or negative, knew what is best for them. With every stage of his trials, he remembered and asked his Lord for help and, when he finally saw the big picture of Allah’s ﷻ grand plan for him, he showed gratitude.
Conclusion
Recent studies found that expressive writing (or, in the case of the prophets, expressive talking) can aid in clarifying one’s thoughts and reduce emotional distress. This way, you’re dumping your emotional burden rather than keeping it all in (Smyth et al., 2018). The Stress and Coping theory (Lazarus and Folkman, 1984) also provides a meaningful explanation to understand the pivotal role of social support in mental health. The theory suggests that social support significantly shapes how we perceive and handle stress. It acts as a great tool when facing challenges.
Finally, one thing was consistent in all three prophets: Their faith was not shaken by their trials. They let their negative experiences turn them towards the remembrance of Allah ﷻ, and they confided in Him like a friend. If only we could make Allah ﷻ our first point of contact during moments of sadness, then we could truly find the light that will
illuminate our hearts and give us the strength to forge ahead.
Written by: Islamiyah Olalekan
Edited by: The Editorial Team
© The Islamic Reflections Blog
References
Health Psychology Volume 15 – 2024 | https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2024.1330720
Lazarus, R. S., and Folkman, S. (1984). Stress, appraisal, and coping. Berlin: Springer
publishing company.
Sunnah.com. (n.d.). Hadith collection. https://sunnah.com
Smyth, J. M., et al. (2013). Expressive writing and its effect on mental health outcomes:
A meta-analysis. Psychological Science, 24(8), 1437-1447.