Single Parenting

Dear Aunt Anjum,

Assalamu Aleykum warahmatu Allah wabarakatuh

I am a single parent by choice, running  a family of 2 kids and as well studying. Single parenting is a tough job that many do underestimate. The society makes us feel like we can never fit it  and don’t  even exist. But, as usual always be different and you will be unique.

The criticisms, harsh comments  that i get from people who consider me as a  failure  in life have been so much and they will always give their opinion  on the choice you made and their opinion  being, “Get back with your husband!”

They make you feel the guilt  in the decision  you made and even if you try to not lend an ear and ignore their remarks.

Whatever  they say still haunts me down and it’s a battle between me and my nafs.

Lastly, i do hope for a second marriage attempt in shaa Allah, but i have fears in me that i have no idea how to overcome them.

I have become too emotional, too choosy, too sensitive  and mostly keep relating what has passed to what is present to just make sure i don’t  fail to the same character person again but in a different  human figure.

What should i do to help myself improve  from this situation and get out of this situation? As well, how to defend myself from  their harsh comments ?

How to overcome and fight back these fears of second marriage  in my case?

Kindly, help.

Jazakumullah Khairan Team IR for this tremendous opportunity to  get free counselling.

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Answer:

Dear single parent

Assalāmu Alaikum

Your fears are very reasonable considering you’ve had a troublesome first marriage. This is exactly how humans are programmed. That’s how the brain works. If you encounter some problem the first time, you’re expecting it the second time as well. This feeling is normal and your fears will go away once you find happiness in the next marriage. InshāAllāh.

Experience is a great teacher. The positive aspect is that you have learned somethings from your previous marriage and you can be better prepared the second time round.

A little fear is normal and good so long as it helps you prepare and be cautious. But extreme fear will cripple you and stop you from moving on in life. Some risks have to be taken in life.

What you need to do is have faith in your Creator. You need to investigate the future husband really well and need to get things cleared with him before marriage. Do your part and leave the rest to Allah.

Single parenting is indeed a really tough job and people will always give you a hard time if you don’t fit in and be exactly like them. Regarding what people say, ignore them if you can. And if it’s bothering you that much, tell them exactly what you think -politely. Sometimes silence works and sometimes expressing yourself helps.

It’s not a crime to be choosy. Just because you’re a divorcee doesn’t mean you have to marry any guy that comes around. Or go to the other extreme and not marry at all. Everyone needs companionship. The right time and the right man will come. Have faith.

Allah doesn’t test you more than you can bear.

I wish you the best.