The Islamic Etiquettes of Intimacy

Islam brought all good teachings to mankind in every aspect of life as Allah is not shy to tell the truth. It explains and advises proper conduct and rulings of sexual relations so that it is elevated from the level of mere pleasure and physical desire to a level of worship for which the Muslims will be rewarded. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ left us with the most perfect etiquettes which preserves the health of people. Sex was created for the following 3 reasons:

• to preserve and propagate humanity
• to prevent retention of semen by ejaculation in the body
• to fulfill and gratify physical desires

With regards to sexual relations, Prophet ﷺ has said: “Among its benefits is that it helps to lower the gaze, and brings self-control.” [Ahmad, 3/128]

Etiquette of intimacy

• The couple should have sincere intention of doing it for the sake of Allah and pronounce the following dua:

بِسْمِ اللهِ اللَّهُمَّ جَنِّبْنَا الشَّيْطَانَ ، وَجَنِّبِ الشَّيْطَانَ مَا رَزَقْـتَنَا
“In the name of Allah, Oh Allah, keep us away from the Shaytaan (devil) and keep the Shaytaan away from what You bestow on us (our children).”

• The act should also be preceded by playfulness, kisses and gentle words. Prophet ﷺ used to play with and kiss his wives.
• The Prophet ﷺ recommended wudhu to be performed when the man intends to come back to his wife for the second time as he has said in a hadeeth:
  

  “If aany one of you has intercourse with his wife then wants to repeat it, let him do wudhu between the two (actions), for it is more energizing for the second time.” [Muslim, 1/171]

• Ghusl becomes compulsory when the tip of the male private part enters the female private part or when gushing water is secreted by either the man or the woman.

There are permissible and impermissible acts of intimacy as explained below.

Permissible acts of intimacy
Intercourse with one’s wife in the front canal is permissible in whatever manner the couple desires, be it from behind, side or front. Allah says in the Quran:

“Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth (have sexual relations with your wives in any manner as long as it is in the vagina and not in the anus), when or how you will.” [Al-Baqarah 2:223]

Prohibited acts of intimacy
Amongst the acts of sexual relations prohibited in Islam is anal sex. It is a major sin as it is an unnatural and distorted act which does not satisfy the goals of marriage. Prophet ﷺ said:

“Verily, Allah forbids you from having intercourse with women in their rectums.” [Tabarani]

Intercourse during menses is forbidden as it is harmful for both partners and it is a major sin. However, the couple can enjoy other forms of intimacy such as kissing. Allah says:

“They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: that is a harmful thing for a husband to have a sexual intercourse with his wife while she is having her menses, therefore keep away from women during menses and go not unto them till they have purified.” [Baqarah, 2:222]

It is prohibited for spouses to disclose their intimate secrets to people as this might create mistrust and fear to the wife. These secrets may include birthmarks or certain reaction to intimacy. The Prophet ﷺ said:

“Indeed, among the people who will have the most grievous position before Allah on the Day of Resurrection is a man who, after he intimately approaches his wife and she intimately approaches him, exposes her secret.” [Muslim and Abu Dawood]

With regards to oral sex in Islam, there is no reference in the text for it or in the sayings of the pious predecessors. Therefore, there is difference of opinion. Some scholars say it is not permissible while others regard it as Haraam. (Click here to see the ruling by Shaikh Assim Al-Hakeem)
Islam is a religion of mercy and everything is explained so that people will not go astray. It is important for the spouses to maintain their realization to Allah’s closeness and watchfulness. This helps to guide and control the spouse’s actions even during moments of intimacy and pleasure as Allah is ever watchful. In addition, one should develop a feeling of gratitude that Allah has facilitated the fulfillment of one’s desire in a lawful and pleasurable way. This turns the fulfillment of desire to a rewarded act of worship, Insha’Allah.

References
Jibaly M., Closer than the Garment: Marital Intimacy According to the Pure Sunnah
https://islamqa.info/en/answers/5560/etiquette-of-intimate-relations
https://www.hibamagazine.com/islamic-etiquettes-of-intimacy/

Written by: Emily Amini

Edited by: The Editorial Team 

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