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Family Pressure to Remarry

Assalam o alaikum Team IR,
I just got divorced like 2 years ago by choice and I have a kid and proposals have been coming my way but am not satisfied with them.
People keep on telling me to go back to my ex yet he already has a wife and kid.
I can’t stand his cruel treatment to me.
He shattered my trust in him completely.
He did a lot and I just can’t stand him or even his thoughts.
There’s another proposal that came and I really want it to happen In Shaa Allah but then the only person who knows is myself and some of the groom’s family members.
None of my family members know about it.
But they want the wedding after a few years In Shaa Allah.
For the time being, I can’t tell about this proposal to anyone as I don’t want to lock myself to this new guy so I kinda keep it silent till they officially bring the proposal In Shaa Allah.
My question is how will I answer the people who keep on telling me to go back to my ex… it’s so depressing to hear such constant hurtful words.
I don’t know what to do with them…
Most of the people who say are my own family members.
I wish I could tell them about the new guy but I can’t for reasons…
Please help.
Jazakumullah Khairan
Awaiting your response.
Wa alaikumassalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu sister,
I hope that this message reaches you in a good state of Imaan. I understand everything you have gone through and appreciate your courage. You stood very strong, may Allah strengthen your heart and make things easy for you.
We live in a society that teaches us not to express our emotions openly, especially when it comes to love, marriage and, other relationship matters. We are taught to be tough, especially men. We are taught not to cry or show affection to our loved ones, and apologizing is a matter of pride for us. Our culture raised us to follow strict rules. There are many good things in it, but it comes along with suppressing our emotions; we have grown up seeing our elders never expressing their emotions, never sharing their problems and challenges. This is a standard pattern of living they are following that is learned behaviour.
But it is okay for you to be vulnerable. It is alright to cry out and show weakness. You can express your emotions and speak your heart out to your family members, with all the love and respect you have for them. It will not be like breaking the taboo. Your family will hear you out, they will not judge you or feel offended if you speak up. It would make them understand your choices and preferences, your future plans, and the way you are looking ahead in your life. You need to stand firm in your facts and make a decision. And explain the reasons which make you unwilling to return to your ex-husband.
Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported:
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “A strong believer is better and dearer to Allah than a weak one, although both are good.” (Sahih Muslim 2664)
Hence, staying strong and firm in your decision is very important.
In addition, you can try to make your connection stronger with Allah (SWT) by praying more and reading Qur’an frequently. All these situations you are facing could be part of the test from Allah (SWT). Make lots of duas and keep reading stories about the prophets and their struggle as a reminder. Spirituality helps in coping better with stress and anxiety. Putting your trust in Allah (SWT) will also increase your optimism.
Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported:
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “He to whom Allah intends goods, he makes him suffer from some affliction” (Al-Bukhari)
You can share the problems you have faced with your ex-husband. You can tell them your reasons and the situations you have gone through, the incompatibility you have with your ex, and how he broke your heart and your trust, so they will understand why you do not want to go back to him. And most importantly, you can remind your family that you had a divorce by your choice, and you will, In Sha Allah, get married by your choice again.

Written by- Aisha
Edited by- The Editorial Team
Team IR


Jazaakumullah Khairan! Thank You! We appreciate your efforts to leave us a comment :)