Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.
Dear Sister Aisha,
I have been having this issue with my husband, he always seems arrogant and always makes you inferior to him.
This has been on for almost 10 years now.
Okay, it’s like this:
He wants everything immediately – his calls picked up, questions answered.
When I try to talk matters to him, he will always pick on the lines of my statements where I made some mistakes and start lecturing and talking about it and finally making it the big deal of the day.
I really don’t know how to describe this but it’s been making me feel so low and even if I answer him back, he sees that as an insult.
It’s like I don’t have a voice to be listened to.
He gives everything I want Alhamdulillah… Alhamdulillah… Alhamdulillah but has that annoying behaviour where he never thinks that someone can be in a state where she can’t take your calls or not respond.
He never gives reasons to situations and another thing is that he will do something to hurt you and forget and it seemed like it never happened.
How do I make him understand that sometimes situations happen without our control? Please share some tips on how to slowly convince him that we as humans make mistake and he needs to be patient and understanding about this.
I need help in this, please.
Please shed some light on this issue.
Jazaka Allah Khairan
Walaikum as Salam wa Rahamatullahi Wa Barakatuhu,
I hope this message reaches you in the best state of Iman.
A husband and wife’s relationship is very sensitive as both of them have to sacrifice and make adjustments for each other. Sometimes, it seems pretty hard to contrive balance; so firstly, you have to give it a try from your side. Do your best to please your husband and follow his instructions. Prioritize your husband as he may want your attention. Remember, you must do your level best to respond to your husband’s requests as soon as possible.
Narrated by Abu Hurayrah:
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“Had it been permissible that a person may prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered that a wife should prostrate herself before her husband.”
(Al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 285)
Regarding the issues with the phone calls, you can try explaining to your husband what had kept you occupied when you were not able to attend his calls. For example, maybe you were asleep, using the toilet, or even praying. You can call him back once you are free and explain to him clearly why you were not available to pick up the call. Additionally, you can also use earphones when on calls with him while you are working.
Always try to keep yourself calm and composed; this is better for your inner peace of mind. This will also assist you in avoiding arguments with your husband. Remember that anger is shaitan’s tool and nothing can ever be achieved through it, for anger only makes relationships worse.
On the bright side, it is a good thing that your husband calls you in order to sort things out or to check up on you; you must always speak to him calmly and never reproach him when his words aggravate you.
Duly note that your husband may have other tensions that he may not express, but rather vent it out by becoming cold or harsh towards you. Be patient at that time for he surely will love and respect you more for your endurance towards his childishness. He will definitely appreciate your patience, your understanding and maturity when handling the situation. Every man loves a woman who has the ability to handle all of his moods and is supportive of him instead of breaking him down. When your husband comes from work, never unload your complains upon him, understand his mood and talk to him about how his day went. Look for the right time to bring up topics that require discussions, introduce them in a wise manner. Pay attention in contriving healthy ways to make the bond between yourself and your husband strong. Never argue or upset him. When he will see you responding to him with such a soft and sweet manner, he will melt down and his rigidity will fade away.
Our own anger is the only thing that takes away the peace from us. When we gain control over our emotions, we can handle things more easily. Maintain a nice attitude always try to keep a smile on your face, and discuss things calmly even if the other party is frustrated. If you are not able to do so, then move to another room or keep quiet.
The key is to respect your husband at all times as ordered by Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. Make sure you give your husband all his rights and that he returns to you with yours. If you ever feel that your husband is not giving you any right that Islam has made rightful for you, then make sure you demand it in a polite and wise manner rather than in a harsh or rude manner, which will eventually cause disruption in your relationship and will further compel him to keep you from what you want.
Written by- Aisha
Edited by- The Editorial Team