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Understanding Marriage: Within marriage, what next…(Part 2)

Part 002
2) Within the marriage.
So, what’s next after saying ‘Yes’? The engagement is done, but how is the engagement conducted?
Let’s First talk about a common problem people do- talking to Your Husband to Be.
Either via phone or meetings/dates- with the western thought that it’s allowed.
Many do exaggerations in engagement, some completely follow western engagement parties. No one can forbid you from doing it, go ahead, do it.
But remember one thing- don’t expect Allah’s blessings and His Mercy to be upon you, unless Allah wills. Don’t complain later after marriage, Why is this or why that is happening to me?
See guys, Marriage is like a House. The pillars are the kids to be, and the builders of foundation is you and your partner. If you choose the wrong guy, know your building may shake after years, just like how a weak brick or cement wall may do. It forms cracks and later on things go worse and the house falls…
But still, if the bricks to be used in building are fake, or they have spots of damage, or the cement to be used is cheap fake one, still the building will shake even if the builders of foundation are good!
So what are these fake cement or broken bricks?
These are the common mistakes we do before we  islamically and legally are bonded together – Nikkah.
The fake cement/cracked bricks are the following problems:
-Talking to the husband to be without a Mahram. Even the English words explain themselves- Husband to be , he isn’t your husband yet!
– Having meetings/dates with Him with the western mindset: ‘We need to know each other’

  • Having exaggerations/israf in wedding ceremonies

In a nutshell, doing all that is forbidden to do until Nikkah is passed.
This means you are building your future life with your spouse but using haram ways.
So now do you still want to do it?
Your choice
Sisters in Islam, definitely you will fall for the guy before you two are fully married. Love hurts. How would you be if the marriage got canceled?  How would you be if he got to find out things he wasn’t supposed to find out? How will you feel if he dumped you on the way? How will you feel if he uses you? As long as it’s a haram act just know Shaitan will be your third partner.
Please sisters, avoid contacting him. Engagement isn’t Nikkah yet, please try to understand these two different terms.
This brings us to our next topic:
What are the things that make people back out of marriages in the last minute?
-Getting to know more things about this guy through your “talking to him”
Sisters know one thing for sure, if truly you are doing Tawakkulala Allah,
Then look at what Allah says:

فَبِمَا رَحْمَةٍ مِّنَ اللَّهِ لِنتَ لَهُمْ وَلَوْ كُنتَ فَظًّا غَلِيظَ الْقَلْبِ لَانفَضُّوا مِنْ حَوْلِكَ فَاعْفُ عَنْهُمْ وَاسْتَغْفِرْ لَهُمْ وَشَاوِرْهُمْ فِي الْأَمْرِ فَإِذَا عَزَمْتَ فَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ الْمُتَوَكِّلِينَ

“Thus it is due to mercy from Allah that you deal with them gently, and had you been rough, hard hearted, they would certainly have dispersed from around you; pardon them therefore and ask pardon for them, and take counsel with them in the affair; so when you have decided, then place your trust in Allah; surely Allah loves those who trust.” Surah Aal-e-Imran, Verse 159.
Allah says He loves those who place their trust on Him. If you have decided to go ahead then continue going forward, but if you found out about a bad thing (e.g. smoker) then you can decide to cancel it.
– Forced into the marriage
– Whispers of Shaitan. He never wants good for you. So he will do his best to bring the marriage down, but remember one thing:
Have faith in Allah’s qadr, if it’s meant to be it will be.
– Fear of the act. You know what I mean, the act that happens in first night.

  • Too much thinking of what will happen in your future marriage life. Hey, slowdown! You have No control of it, so why worry?
  • Too much questioning about the married lives of others. You may end up developing a phobia towards marriage.

I don’t mean you stop asking, but don’t go above the limits. The more sad stories you hear the more scared you get. But take the lessons from such stories, and pray for betterness in their marriages. Develop a positive attitude.

  • Fear or not wanting to carry responsibilities/sacrifices. Well, our parents sacrificed for us.

– Fear of getting pregnant while you have some other plans in life. Mind you many yearn to have babies so you better pray to have one and pray for those who haven’t gotten one to have as well.

  • fear of giving birth
  • fear of things going wrong in the marriage ceremony (e.g. deaths)

And so on.
All these makes you develop stress and you end up wanting to cancel your wedding.
But there are two things we all need to have and that is Faith in Allah, and making lots of dua for yourself and others too.
Making dua that Allah makes your married life and your spouse as a blessing and not a trial. Making dua for your spouses family to love you as their daughter. Making dua for Allah to make you azwjatun swaaliha. The best wife ever and for your spouse to make him the best husband ever.
Make dua for pious kids.
Make dua for happiness in the wedding ceremony and after marriage.
Make dua for Allah to shower His love  and mercy and to bless you two with mawadha (love) and Rahma (mercy) and tranquility (sakeenah).
Ask Allah to help you during all times, and lastly thank Allah to bless you with this opportunity of fulfilling a Sunnah act.
And many more duas…
Part 3 after marriage is up!

Written by: Sr. Amatullah B.M.



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