Happily Ever After: A Muslim’s Quest for True Love

If you ask an 8-year-old to define what love means to them, they’ll probably draw inspiration from their favorite Disney fairy tale, maybe even insert their favorite princess for emphasis. Fast-forward to a decade or so, their perception of the word will doubtlessly have evolved but the fundamental principle will have remained the same.
We grow up with these vague, preconceived notions of love, shaped and broadened by the events in our lives and the narrative of the media. It is not until we are much older do we realize that fairy tales that enamored us in our childhood unfold in pretty much the same pattern- the handsome prince and the fair princess meet each other, fall in love and settle into their Happily Ever After- and in a matter of days. Ironically enough, these stories always end just as their relationship begins.

So what exactly paves the way to Happily Ever After and what sustains it? Quite simply stated, it is the pre-marital considerations that pave the way and post-marital regards that sustain it. Fortunately for us, Islam comes with a handbook that not only educates us of the etiquettes of marriage but also details solutions to every conceivable problem.

Phase I- The Mindset for Marriage
In Islam, marriage is not simply the union of two people coming together and promising to love and cherish each other forever, rather is a blessed commitment whose sanctity is mentioned in the Qur’an,

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” [30:21]

An appropriate mindset is one of the most important prerequisites for a stable marriage. The Islamic method of selection of a spouse is diametrically opposed to the Western way. Where the latter favors a more hands-on approach via the world of dating and pre-marital relationship, the former operates on a more conservative and modest outlook, namely arranging the marriage between two prospective individuals. It is essential to bear in mind that arranged does not mean forced, as Islam grants all individuals, especially women, the right to accept or reject a proposal, free from coercion and manipulation.

Islam also provides the criteria to evaluate suitors in the following Hadith:

“A woman is married for four things; her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be losers.” [Sahih al-Bukhari, Book 67, Hadith 28 ].

Although the Hadith mentions women, in particular, the same criteria extend to the selection of husbands as well. This criterion co-exists with the compatibility of the prospective couple. While spiritual compatibility is given the highest regard, the individual’s emotional, educational and financial compatibility should also be kept in mind.

Phase II- Marital Satisfaction and Success
Multiple studies show that the best marriages are based on intimacy. This does not necessarily allude to sexual intimacy, as emotional needs are just as significant -if not more- than physical desires. However, it refers to the individual’s willingness to be vulnerable -emotionally, intellectually or physically- in front of their partners with no fear or hesitation, a fact confirmed by the Qur’an,

“They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them.” [2:187]

This beautiful analogy not only signifies the paradox of adornment yet concealment simultaneously but also has an undertone of physical and psychological equality among other benefits. [For the complete list, please refer –  https://www.ummah.com/forum/forum/family-lifestyle-community-culture/marriage/219239-they-are-clothing-for-you-and-you-are-clothing-for-them]

Contrary to popular beliefs, successful marriages are not based on elaborate gestures of romance, rather it is the little things in every relationship that go a long way. A simple “thank you” here and a heartfelt “I love you” there can brighten your spouse’s day and fill the crevices of your marriage with love. Conflicts and disagreements, whether over trivial matters or important life decisions, are a given obstacle in any relationship; scaling them without letting your ego overpower your rationality is what counts most in maintaining peace and stability. Forgiveness and gratitude have been shown to have a profound positive impact on one’s psychological and social well-being, adorning one’s marriage on these principles can only enhance your relationship. And as the years on your marriage add up, you will feel your feelings evolve from the swift passionate love into a more companionate love.

The Happily Ever After
Your spouse might not be the most charming guy in town or the fairest maiden out there, but if you love each other for Allah’s sake and bring out the best in each other, then you’re perfect for each other. Besides, who’s to say those two stereotypes are 100% compatible anyway? Human beings are complex and multidimensional beings that cannot -and should not- be defined according to the things they possess. Moreover, Happily Ever After is not the end but a state; one that can easily be achieved by seeing marriage for what it really is: a means of attaining physical, emotional and spiritual tranquility through the loving and merciful companionship of a spouse.

May Allah grant us, righteous spouses, make them the coolness of our eyes in this Dunya and reunite us in Jannah. Aameen.

References

• https://quran.com/
• https://sunnah.com/
• Khattab, H. (2003). Bent Rib: A Journey through Women’s Issues in Islam. 3rd ed. Riyadh: International Islamic Publishing House.
• al-Hashimi., M. (2005). The Ideal Muslimah. 6th ed. Riyadh: International Islamic Publishing House.
• https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/marriage-fulfillment-lifelong-relationship/fbclid=IwAR2z0N_elFokzocE75Lo7DEETnXysH4lJ2MOGaGctfe_jwUy3txgBH6Eb2U
• https://www.choosehelp.com/topics/couples-counseling/mindset-for-marital-success
• https://productivemuslim.com/happy-muslim-couples/

Written by: Mariam Kamran

Edited by: The Editorial Team

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