One might think that after the Nikah, all the tension is over, and everything will just work out, without putting any effort. This is a wrong approach, as a sweet and loving marriage needs hard work. The monotony of daily routine, coupled with caring for children, can place a strain on the romance in marriage, despite having less or more years in the marriage. We should understand that successful marriages lead to a successful community, which in turn increases the progression in life. Below is a list of suggestions which may help, you and your spouse, enhance the romance in your marriage.
- Compliment your partner
Always compliment your spouse when he/she has done something good. Remember to always try to overlook each other’s faults. Abu Huraira (May Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet ﷺ said: “A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.” [Muslim, 3469]You should always let your partner know that you love and value them for the sake of Allah ﷻ by telling them how much you love them, or by placing hand-written letters in their bag or on the bathroom mirror.
- Set aside time for your spouse
One may find it hard to find time to nurture one’s marriage, but you should strive to do so, as it is a greater gift to give your partner. Go out on walks, take drives together and/or even sit back in the evening with a cup of coffee or tea to have a meaningful chat. Also, read the Quran together, as the wisdom of Allah’s ﷻ words will help bring you closer to Him and closer to each other. You may give one another a simple back rub or a full massage. Take up a hobby together and introduce your partner to your hobby.
- Show appreciation
After being married for a period of time, it is easy to take some acts of kindness for granted. Some acts -like a lunch box packed by your wife or your husband taking the kids away so that you can do your own things alone- may seem obligatory and likely. However, one’s life can become challenging if you do not have this in place. Always remember to say the words ‘thank you’. Appreciation can also be shown by expressing acts of considerations.
- Communicate your feelings
You should take time to discuss feelings and emotions with your partner. Men and women interpret behavior differently. Often, women are vocal and have a need to communicate and connect with the people in their world, whilst men are usually the strong and quiet type who internalize their feelings rather than express them. Speak about your joys and talk about things that make both of you laugh. Highlight each other’s positive attributes and qualities.
- Protect one another
Every partner should play a role of protecting their spouse’s honor, as said in the Quran:“They (your wives) are a clothing (covering) for you and you too are a clothing (covering) for them.” [Quran 2:187]One should speak positively about their partners’ life, and keep in mind that marriage consists of teamwork. You should win together as a couple, as you are not just a marital partner, but the other half of a winning team. Keeping this in mind, you owe it to yourself and your marriage to fuel yourself with protection and positivity, and how you do this is by reinforcing the good times.
- Allow your spouse to be themselves
Allow your spouse to be themselves and be patient. Understand that no one is perfect as we all have our flaws. Mostly, one of the spouses in marriage tends to dominate, scold or belittle the other in front of guests and children, just to keep up pertinence. Such behavior places a damper on the spirit of the marriage. There may be habits in the other that cause you irritation, but the truth is that variety is the spice of life. If you really have a problem with the way your husband slurps his soup or if you find your wife’s laughter to be a little too high-pitched at a social gathering, quietly and lovingly address such issues, away from the public eye. In conclusion, there are several ways by which one can add positivity to a marriage. Mostly, the ‘spice’ that is missing in a marriage comes in the simple form of being kinder, listening more and taking the other’s thoughts and feelings into consideration. Try some of these tips and see how you can bring the care, compassion and luster back into your marriage, Insha’Allah.
Written by: Emily
Edited by: The Editorial Team
© The Islamic Reflections Blog
10 Tips to Spice up the Husband and Wife Relationship in Islam