My beloved Mother (Ammi),
I suppose you remember me screaming these words to you in my teenage years, “YOU NEVER UNDERSTAND ME, WHY DON’T YOU GET IT??”. These words hurt you, causing you to sob in confusion, wondering what needs to be understood. Like every teenager, my hormones and over the top emotions got the better of me; I never understood my own self, all the while expecting you to solve the disastrous puzzle.
I really miss the old days, before teenagerhood, when I was a little girl who always went around her mommy out of curiosity and excitement. I am drawn towards those memories when we wore matching outfits, and I pretended to be a smaller version of you. I was thrilled when you applied even the smallest bit of make-up on me. While you now call me a pro in baking, I still remember the first time you taught me to cut and fold the batter of your world-famous chocolate cake. I enjoyed being fed by you, as you told me the best fairy tales and prophetic stories; I think there is a special storage space in my brain only for those stories, as I have never forgotten them to this day. Those were my most precious, golden – maybe even platinum – days, as everything else is cheaper in comparison.
But right after my adolescent to my adulthood, things were not the same. There seems to be some sort of gap in our relationship. We both felt that distance in our relationship which was caused by ego, misunderstanding, mistrust, etc. Our arguments were endless, making me believe that you never understood me.
Little did I know that I never understood you either.
Quite recently, I have come to the realization that I was blindsided by my selfish thoughts, which never allowed me to see the hardworking, patient, loving, caring, and amazing mother you have always been. I thought you had changed since my childhood. Rather, it was me who changed while you remained the same as you have always been. I was too lazy sometimes, to get something for you thinking that you can get it yourself – I never understood that you were the person who remained in the kitchen for hours, patiently working, without any help. Allah ﷻ says in the Qur’an not to say uff to your parents [Qur’an 17:23], but I have said worse things than an Uff to you. Those words were sharper than a knife which pierced your gentle heart. I became annoyed and dismissive every time you paused or forgot to say something when speaking, but I forgot that you were the one who taught me to speak and understood me well when I used to babble words. I blamed you for not being the ‘perfect mother’, while, in fact, I was not a perfect daughter.
My dear mother, I know this is quite a late realization, but better late than never, don’t you think?! My dear mother, I want to be BFFs with you once again and create more memories with you. Sometimes as your adult BFF, I will look after you and pamper you when needed, to remind you that you should prioritize yourself too. You know that it’s okay if you don’t complete a particular task, I will get it done. I will support you at all times and give you the space you want.
As your teenage BFF, I want to rekindle all those mommy-daughter day-outs, when we used to go to carnivals and shopping together. I want to have chai-time chitchat and share all my secrets with you; freely expressing myself to you as you lay down your youthful memories too. I want to taste every bit of your delicious cooking, which you perfected with great effort.
And then, finally as your little girl BFF, I want to give you all hugs and kisses I can, and even cuddle with you. I want to hold your hand until you leave me, what a dreadful moment will that be?!
Most importantly, as your daughter, I will do my best to fulfill your rights which Allah ﷻ has bestowed upon me. I will begin my duas for you and dad by asking Allah ﷻ to bestow His mercy upon you as you brought me up when I was small [Qur’an 17:24]. And I hope that Allah ﷻ reunites us together again in Jannah as best friends forever.
Your loving daughter,
AKA BFF
Written by: Musmirah
Edited by: The Editorial Team
© The Islamic Reflections Blog
Lovely article Musmi. Can relate to it easily.