Can you explain how understanding each other and not keeping secrets leads to a beautiful married life?
Assalamu’alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu,
When people talk about the important factors of marriage, they generally mention love, trust, loyalty etc., but one thing which is mostly missing is communication. We can say that communication is the backbone of any relationship, especially in marriage.
Here are some tips to improve understanding and the bond between each other:
Nobody is a mind reader! If we don’t share our emotions, feelings and thoughts with our spouse, they will have no idea what is going on in our minds. Many of us think that our spouse knows us the best so they should know why we are upset or annoyed without explaining ourselves which will then lead to miscommunication and further annoyance. Your husband or wife cannot know what you are thinking of unless you communicate and share your thoughts.
Rather than expecting your spouse to understand you, start sharing everything. Even if you think that a story is not so funny, share it. Stop keeping things to yourself and start expressing everything you go through. Share what you did all day, share what happened to you, and share every thought- positive or negative. This will improve your bond with each other and help you in understanding each other better.
Allah says in the Qur’an:
“They are your garments and you are their garments” – (Qur’an 2:187)
Be close to each other just like a garment; guard each other’s faults and beautify each other publicly and privately.
HEAR THEM OUT:
The second important component in marriage is to listen to your spouse. Just as you expect your spouse to understand you, they also expect the same from you. Listen to what happened to them, how they spent their day even if it is out of your interest. You don’t have to get involved in their hobby, but when they share an incident or a story, listen to it with interest. This will then encourage them to share things with you and will improve understanding and communication between the both of you.
3. REMOVE ALL BARRIERS:
It is very important to give all your attention to your spouse when communicating; thisgives them a sense of importance. They will feel like you are listening.So put your mobile phone, laptop or any distraction away when spending time together. Nowadays,it is pretty common to use social media or text someone when talking, this usually leads to the speaker thinking that they are not as important as whatever you are doing on your phone. People consider this as normal multitasking. Sometimes problems may arise when your spouse is talking about something serious or sad and you end up laughing because of some post on social media,making them feel ignored.
4. GIVE YOUR TIME:
Time is the most valuable thing you can give to your spouse. When a relationship is new, it’s easy to take time for each other, but once it’s old and kids and other responsibilities come into the picture, it becomes hard to spend time with each other. It is important to take time from your schedule and share some time with each other. Do some fun activities together such as cooking, gardening, playing any sport,or do any task which interests you both – it is from the Sunnah.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) stated,
“Allah is pleased when a husband plays with his wife, due to this He fixes thawaab (good reward) for them or he establishes halal rizq (lawful sustenance) for them.”
(Al-Ifsah Ibn HajrHaithami)
Aisha (RA) reported:
That she was with Allah’s messenger (peace be upon him) during a journey. She said, I had a race with him and I outstripped him on my feet. When I became fleshy, (again) I had race with him and he outstripped me. He said: this is for that outstripping.
5. EXPRESS LOVE AND GRATITUDE:
Lastly, thank each other for the smallest favor, tell your wife you liked the food, tell your husband that you are grateful for the grocery he got for home. Thank each other. Praise each other, tell each other how good they look and how thankful you are to have them. This will increase the love. Everybody loves to hear good words.
These are some tips I shared for now. I hope you will find them useful. Focus on how you can give your best to the relationship to make it a strong foundation that will lead you both to Jannah, Insha Allah.
Written by: Aisha
Edited by: The Editorial Team
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